Recovering After The Death Of Your Pet  

Recovering After The Death Of Your Pet 

People who don’t own pets often have a hard time understanding the bond between pet and owner. You know that personally. Your pet is more a valued member of the family than anything else, and you loved having your dog, cat, or other animal at home. 

That’s why the death of a pet can hurt so much. Even though others might not get it, you are devastated by the loss and grieving for your pet. This is entirely normal, and there are some ways you can help get through this process more easily. Before you can do that, you need to understand what grief can look like. 

Why Losing A Pet Can Be Devastating 

One of the great things about having a pet is how much they brighten your day. Even if they aren’t technically a support animal, a pet can bring companionship, joy, and relaxation to your life. That’s why HelpGuide.org explains that it’s entirely normal to feel intense grief after the death of your pet. 

What can your grief look like? Here are some common responses to such a loss: 

Loss of appetite and weight loss or dehydration. 
Insomnia or at least trouble falling asleep. 
Wanting to cuddle or sleep with the pet’s toys. 
Guilt as you wonder if you could have done something different. 
Not remembering that your pet has died. 
Feeling sad, angry, or depressed. 

However, keep in mind that grief and mourning are always unique. You might not feel guilty and instead focus on anger and sadness. 

Tips For Self-Care & Grieving 

While it’s normal to mourn the loss of a beloved pet, there are ways you can help yourself recover faster — and some dangers to look out for. 

Feeling angry, sad, or guilty can force you to ignore your own needs. You must continue taking care of yourself as you go through the grieving process. Part of this means paying close attention to your physical needs, particularly if you have a tendency toward depression or substance abuse.. While comfort foods and “crashing” on the couch can help, both will ultimately hurt you. That’s why you need to get exercise, eat right, and get a healthy amount of sleep regularly. You’ll only feel worse (and feel it longer) if your body starts to suffer. 

Pet-loss.net lists several tips specifically for recovering after the loss of a pet, including: 

  • Be honest with yourself about how you feel. You need to process those negative emotions before they can go away. 
  • Find ways to destress such as doing a favorite sport or hobby. 
  • Talk to people you love and trust about the loss and ask them for support. 
  • Look into a burial for your pet and go with the option that seems best — and affordable — to you. 

How To Move Forward 

Even if you follow the tips above, you are not going to get through the grief overnight. This pet was a member of your family, so it will take some time before you are ready to move forward. PsychCentral.com explains there are some things you can do to help the grieving process move more quickly: 

Be patient with yourself. Give yourself space and time needed to get through this. 
Write down your thoughts and feelings about your deceased pet, especially the reasons why you got them in the first place. 
Gradually get rid of the pet’s belongings, donating whatever you can to local charities or friends. 
Consider creating a small memorial in your backyard to honor your pet. 

You Will Get Through This 

It will be rough after the loss of a pet, but there are ways you can help yourself get through it all. Focus on your health and needs with some self-care, then take your time with the grieving process. Although you’ll still miss your friend, you will eventually stop hurting and be able to move forward.

by:Janice Miller 

Janice is a guest blogger.  She is passionate about helping shelter dogs find permanent homes and regularly writes about pet safety.   Her website is: www.safetytoday.org

Triggers, Reactions and Grief Bursts, Oh My! How They Can Affect Your Pet Grief. 

Just as with the loss of a person we love, when we lose a pet, we can experience triggers, reactions and bursts of emotion.  Basically, a grief trigger is anything that brings up memories of a loss, which can then cause a grief reaction or grief burst.  Some triggers are obvious, such as birthdays and holidays.  Some triggers are not as obvious and our reactions to them can catch us unaware. 
  
Grief reactions vary. They can be very emotional experiences, especially when the loss is still recent, such as shock, disbelief, sadness and anger.  For pet owners who made the heartbreaking choice of euthanizing a deeply loved pet, feelings of guilt and questioning whether or not their decision was the right one is an especially common reaction to have.  Grief reactions can also be physical, including crying, insomnia, fatigue, headaches, feeling aches and pains, experiencing shortness of breath and dizziness.  Other reactions to grief can include lack of concentration, forgetfulness and loss of creativity or productivity. 
  
Grief bursts are moments of unexpected intense distress that you may or may not know the trigger for.  You see a commercial for cat food and you burst into tears.  You are in the grocery store and suddenly find yourself sobbing in the pet products section.  You are flooded with memories and have trouble catching your breath when you see another person walking their dog.  You find a previously undiscovered favorite toy under the couch and your heart sinks.  Perhaps it’s been a few months and you think you are making progress.  Then one morning you wake up with the memory of a cold wet nose or of a soft meow that is no longer there and the emotions wash over you. 
  
The most important take away is to understand triggers, reactions and bursts of emotion are normal responses to losing your pet.  Know that you will have your own unique way of grieving. 
  
In March, it will be a year since I lost Butters, my angel kitty.  I have two other cat babies. Benson has similar coloring to Butters.  I still have days when I come home; see Benson laying in Butter’s “spot” on the couch and my breath catches for a moment, my eyes begin to 
water.  Even though I have worked as a bereavement coordinator for a hospice, even though I “know” a lot about grief, I am not immune to experiencing grief triggers, reactions and bursts.  What I do know is that they are normal to have.  I give myself permission to experience them.  And, I turn to my pet loving friends for support. 
  
When is it time to seek professional help?  In the beginning, it is normal to experience shock, numbness, disbelief and sadness after a death.  Usually, the intensity will lessen anywhere from six months to two years after a loss.  If, over time, your grief remains at the same level of initial intensity and this level of intense grief affects your work life and/or personal life, it may be time to seek out professional help.  Call your vet or local animal shelters for referrals to understanding professionals who work with pet loss and grief. 

  
Lisa Busbee
1/18/2016


Sources: 
  
“Grief, bereavement and coping with loss.” National Cancer Institute, 16 March 2013.  www.cancer.gov. 
“Grief, coping with reminders after a loss.” Mayo Clinic. 25 September 2015. www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/grief/art-20045340 
“Grief indicators.” American Cancer Society. n.d. Life After Loss Bereavement Support Group 
“Helping the grief-stricken prepare for grief triggers.” Grief Toolbox.  12 October 2011. www.thegrieftoolbox.com/article/helping-grief-stricken-prepare-grief-triggers

Pet Grief during the Holidays 

Grief reactions are normal responses to the loss of a beloved pet.  Although reactions express themselves physically, spiritually and emotionally; what we usually notice the most are the emotional reactions. Often, we may find ourselves feeling love, anger, sadness, and regret all at the same time. And these emotions can become even “louder” through the holidays, especially during the first holiday without your pet.
 
One of the tools to identify our emotions, and to begin the healing journey, is to write about them.  To initiate this process, we offer the following sentence starters.  You may find you have experienced all of these and they trigger your writing.  Or, only a few describe your reactions.  Choose the ones that speak to you or resonate with you today. Please be aware many emotions may come up...consider having a friend to speak to afterward who understands the grief of losing a pet.
                                                                                                           
This holiday season…

Sadness:
I wanted…
 
I feel sad when…
 
I miss…
 
Anger:
I don’t understand…
 
I am angry that…
 
I feel frustrated with…
 
Fear:
I am afraid…
 
I am worried about….
 
I feel scared because…
 
Regret:
I didn’t want…
 
I regret…
 
I wish….
 
Comfort:
I need…
 
I want…
 
I have…
 
Love:
I love…
 
I appreciate…
 
I know…
 
I remember…
 
You may have had traditions with your pet that defined how you celebrated this time of year. After the death of your pet, the holiday season will not feel or look the same. Traditions and rituals may bring a tear or sadness rather than joy or peace. Reflect on what you need and/or want for this holiday season.
 
This holiday season, what I want and need are…
 
 
Tips for the Holiday Season:
  • Recognize the holidays will be different this year.
  • Do what makes you comfortable, not what well-meaning friends or others think you should do.
  • Grief does not take a holiday even with all the colorful and cheerful distractions.
  • Traditions can be very comforting.  Consider a new tradition, in memory of your pet.
  • Be prepared for a chain reaction of memories and emotions that may be triggered by a favorite toy or picture.
  • Be kind to yourself.  Grief affects you mentally, spiritually and physically.  You may have less energy than usual.  
  • Allow friends and family to help when they offer.
  • Take time for yourself and get plenty of rest. 
  • Set realistic goals for yourself, and reserve the right to change your mind at the last minute.