Just as with the loss of a person we love, when we lose a pet, we can experience triggers, reactions and bursts of emotion. Basically, a grief trigger is anything that brings up memories of a loss, which can then cause a grief reaction or grief burst. Some triggers are obvious, such as birthdays and holidays. Some triggers are not as obvious and our reactions to them can catch us unaware.
Grief reactions vary. They can be very emotional experiences, especially when the loss is still recent, such as shock, disbelief, sadness and anger. For pet owners who made the heartbreaking choice of euthanizing a deeply loved pet, feelings of guilt and questioning whether or not their decision was the right one is an especially common reaction to have. Grief reactions can also be physical, including crying, insomnia, fatigue, headaches, feeling aches and pains, experiencing shortness of breath and dizziness. Other reactions to grief can include lack of concentration, forgetfulness and loss of creativity or productivity.
Grief bursts are moments of unexpected intense distress that you may or may not know the trigger for. You see a commercial for cat food and you burst into tears. You are in the grocery store and suddenly find yourself sobbing in the pet products section. You are flooded with memories and have trouble catching your breath when you see another person walking their dog. You find a previously undiscovered favorite toy under the couch and your heart sinks. Perhaps it’s been a few months and you think you are making progress. Then one morning you wake up with the memory of a cold wet nose or of a soft meow that is no longer there and the emotions wash over you.
The most important take away is to understand triggers, reactions and bursts of emotion are normal responses to losing your pet. Know that you will have your own unique way of grieving.
In March, it will be a year since I lost Butters, my angel kitty. I have two other cat babies. Benson has similar coloring to Butters. I still 
have days when I come home; see Benson laying in Butter’s “spot” on the couch and my breath catches for a moment, my eyes begin to water. Even though I have worked as a bereavement coordinator for a hospice, even though I “know” a lot about grief, I am not immune to experiencing grief triggers, reactions and bursts. What I do know is that they are normal to have. I give myself permission to experience them. And, I turn to my pet loving friends for support.
When is it time to seek professional help? In the beginning, it is normal to experience shock, numbness, disbelief and sadness after a death. Usually, the intensity will lessen anywhere from six months to two years after a loss. If, over time, your grief remains at the same level of initial intensity and this level of intense grief affects your work life and/or personal life, it may be time to seek out professional help. Call your vet or local animal shelters for referrals to understanding professionals who work with pet loss and grief.
Lisa Busbee
1/18/2016
Sources:
“Grief, bereavement and coping with loss.” National Cancer Institute, 16 March 2013. www.cancer.gov.
“Grief, coping with reminders after a loss.” Mayo Clinic. 25 September 2015. www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/end-of-life/in-depth/grief/art-20045340
“Grief indicators.” American Cancer Society. n.d. Life After Loss Bereavement Support Group
“Helping the grief-stricken prepare for grief triggers.” Grief Toolbox. 12 October 2011. www.thegrieftoolbox.com/article/helping-grief-stricken-prepare-grief-triggers