Grieving My Pet

 
Grieving My Pet came about because of the loss of my sweet angel kitty, Butters.
He came to me at the perfect time in my life, helping me as I was grieving
the death of my brother and the conclusion of a long-term relationship. 
I thought I would have him for much longer than I did.
This is our story.
 
 
I never anticipated becoming a pet owner again. But sometimes, God has a different plan for us.

It all started after a move back to Texas to be with and help my aging parents and younger brother. About 16 months after my move, my brother died from a cardiac arrest.  I will never forget getting the call.  He was my only sibling.  My life was turned upside down and I was devastated by his loss.  Due to his disability, I had always anticipated I would take care of him after our parents were gone.  I was left completely off-kilter, eventually leaving my job as a corporate business developer, going back to school and working on a master's degree.  In addition, shortly after returning to Texas, I had also started a relationship with a man with whom I fell deeply in love. After the loss of my brother, my grief reactions affected our relationship.  I know he didn't know or understand how to relate to the depth of my loss and grief.  One year into my master's program, our relationship abruptly ended...The same week of the one year anniversary of my brother's death.  The same week of finals.  Yikes...I was a hot mess!  And then...

Out of the blue, that SAME week, a kitten showed up on my patio.

There were no other cats around.  No other kittens.  I couldn't figure out where he came from.  He was so dang cute!!  But the last thing I thought I needed was a pet.  I was too busy.  This little kitten kept hanging around my patio and hanging around and hanging around...You get the picture.  Finally, I started feeding him.  My dad and I still laugh about the conversation when he told me, "You know you got yourself a cat now" and my denying it..."Nope, Pop, not going there.  I'm just putting food out for the poor little thing."  

Fast forward about six weeks.  I came home one night to the sound of growls, squeals and meows coming from my patio.  Looking out, there were two large raccoons trying to get the kitten's food and he wasn't having any of that!  It was clear there was not going to be a good outcome without intervention.  Sighing, I picked up a broom, went outside, chased the raccoons off and spent about an hour convincing the kitten it was safe for him to come inside.  One of the BEST decisions I ever made.  

I named him Butters and so much for his remaining a cute little kitten.  

He rapidly grew up to be a huge cat, weighing in at almost 16 pounds!  He became my comfort as I continued to grieve my brother's loss and the more recent loss of my relationship.  He was very doglike...following me through the house, waiting at the door for me to come home, coming when I called him....rolling over for a good tummy scratch every chance he got.  And when tears would come, he somehow seemed to understand and would try to comfort me in his own kitty way by crawling into my lap or coming to sit quietly beside me.  I, of course, became convinced he was the smartest cat on the planet and definitely understood every word I said to him.   My brother and I both adored animals.  To this day, I still believe Butters was an "angel" sent by him to watch over me.

Life went on.  I graduated, went to work for a hospice, then eventually started my own business.  

One day, during the middle of my business start up, I came home and it was clear something wasn't right with Butters.

He was moving very slowly and cried when I picked him up.  I took him to the vet and at first, we thought he had a urinary tract infection.  Ok, I thought to myself.  That's not bad...we've probably caught it early and he'll be ok.  

After a few days, he didn't respond to the medication and he wasn't getting better, he was getting worse. He became unable to urinate. The vet tried unsuccessfully to put a catheter in him.  He said it was the first time in his career he had not been able to catheterize a cat.  They recommended I take him to a surgical center.  

Looking back, I now know I was in denial of how serious his condition was.  

At the surgical center, the vet and entire staff were extremely kind.  The vet spoke with me, being very gentle, trying to prepare me that I might need to make a choice that day.  They put him under anesthesia in preparation to surgically catheterize him, took x-rays and came back with bad news, the worst news. First, Butters had over 13 very large kidney stones.  I was surprised as he had not appeared to be in pain in the previous weeks to the first vet visit.  The vet explained his abnormally small urethra was a rare congenital problem.  He would never be able to pass the kidney stones.  She gently informed me of further serious medical issues.  He would never have a quality existence again.  He would require multiple surgeries, involving painful recoveries throughout his life, if I chose to move forward.  I lost it, bawled my eyes out and could barely breathe for several minutes.  I loved him so much and I couldn't put him through that.  It was time to let him go.  Again, the vet and her staff were so very kind.  She shared how this was the most difficult part of her job, "Our job is to save them.  It's hard on me, especially when they are so young."  I held him for the last time and then, he was gone in an instant.  Even the vet was surprised at how quickly he went.  

I walked out shell-shocked. I started the morning thinking we were just going in for a change of medication, not that I would go home without my baby.

For almost five years, he had been my daily companion, a touchstone to my brother.  And with his loss, I grieved my brother's death anew.  It felt like time had collapsed and I was right back to the day my dad called to tell me he had died.  

It took over a week for the vet's name to finally register in my mind...Dr. Angel.  Then it really hit me...An Angel had helped my angel kitty leave this world.  


I still find comfort in this odd coincidence.  As though Butters' job was done and it was time for him to go home.   

Now, I am a kitty mommy to two other little bundles of fur, Benson and Boomer, who bring laughter, paw kneading, purrs and pounces to my world.  But Butters will always be the Angel Kitty my brother sent to help me. I'm sure, even now, they are playing together beyond the rainbow bridge. 



Knowing the lasting power images can have, my intention has been to create guided imageries that offer support to anyone on their pet grief journey.  My hope is to offer some small comfort in your sorrow through them and/or through the free resources on our resource page and our Facebook community page.


Lisa Busbee is a certified Interactive Guided Imagery℠ Practitioner and 'Coach for Life' Coach, with a Master's of Social Work. She is a Partner at Way To Shine.  She has had experience working in the hospice world as a bereavement coordinator and in the corporate world of sale and business development.  She continues to do volunteer support groups at bereavement camps for families.  


Remembering Butters, My Angel Kitty
My Current Fur-Babies

Boomer & Bensen